If

If only life is simpler, I'll be happier. Without the buzzing city, without the worry for money, without the illness ... It might be boring. But at least I can get the peace.

I ran away 2 years ago. Now, I feel like running away again. To Sahara Desert perhaps.. just like San Mao...

Tired. Exhausted. Annoyed.

美丽之最

手愿意捐给你拓着头
做你的安枕刚好足够
望你的天真可以永久
眼看你半世还未够
喜欢你的眉头 哪怕皱起始终清秀
在某天未发展 在某间咖啡店
尚记起坐你后面
习惯守望半天
望你从来都温暖
想一生看下去
还会等一天八十岁
看你发端灰色的点缀 未来只有乐趣
和你去拖手看新居 双眼开始像饮醉
尤如观星你在这里
我的双眼里 寻找到宇宙之最
心像太专心看你在忙
望你不施脂粉多好看
自信坦率多可爱眼光
你碰上挫折仍硬朗
不沮丧不彷徨
看你斗心多么凶悍
但你竟用决心
任意放弃所有 独个走我要殿后
视线跟着你走 直到你放开所有
天真追我所追 只怕始终未登对
仍然想讲我第一句 寻找到美丽之最
说过爱你要接受意外
总要挑战障碍比赛
最怕看见你抱着决心离开
说过要与你赤道看海
更说永远爱你未变改
等着你目光未会离开
等你回我身边继续回味
眼里每种温馨好滋味
未来只看着你微笑中班点会皱起
得我始终望穿你
仍然想讲 最后一句
我的双眼里 寻找到美丽之最

I like this ballad alot lately somehow. Sang in Cantonese by Justin 侧田

我想牵着你的手不放开

I didn't tell any of them about the size of the tumour. I merely said it has grown bigger "slightly". Actually, it has grown substantially. The oncologist told my dad it has grown moderately. But it is not exactly what the report wrote. And when I asked the oncologist if the growth is too big. He replied that size is no longer significant. What is important now is to maximise his time.

I tried not to think too much on the size as well. Things don't look good on the report, yet, my dad lives well. Perhaps what we can see physically is better than what is on the report like what the oncologist told me.

It was a great relief for him. Before the consultation, he was afraid that he might be hospitalised over the chinese new year. When the oncologist announced that no new growth is found and everything looks good from the MRI, he let out his smile. So is my mum.

I hope he stays positive and well. That is all I wished for. I still wanna hold his hand, still wanna eat his favorite curry noodle like we did yesterday, still wanna see him holding his grandchild in his arms...

There is still plenty for him. And ...

Dear god

Let me take the pain in place of him...

Angry

I spent 80% of my weekends sleeping. All I wanna do is to forget about how upset I am with my lousy job.

I am still sore over the matter. VERY SORE. So sore that I wanted to put nails under the wheels of my big boss BMW sedan. I wanna smash the glass door, I wanna bang my things hard on the table. I have even imagined stabbing the big boss and the HR. The violent side of me is emerging and they better stay away from me. Cos I bit!

And I was even more DL with the message from my manager.


"hey, try not to be dulan with ur pay, I just hope u hang in there, and give us an opportunity to renumerate u after 2 months, just ur luick to piss RT off because of a little misunderstanding before u actually start work. Sucky I know"

What the hell? Push the blame back to me!!! NABEIS. If the managers are good enough, they would have talk through that fucker big boss even before I came in to negotiate the pay. NABEIS.

ANGRY.. I am just so freaking angry. I think my heart attack is coming soon ... I can feel my blood pressure rising for the past few days.

ARGH
sq3169

KL

31st Jan 07

My first business trip began. We took an afternoon flight to KL for a meeting. I was quite excited cos I always wanted to attend overseas meeting. Wanna claim Krisflyer mileage and the overseas allowance! Haha

But KL is pretty much of a disaster. The traffic is horrendous. The food ain't that fantastics. I was trapped in traffic for an hour on the way to hotel. An hour for 300m, right outside the hotel. The hotel was lousy too. It is worse than Downtown East. No remote control TV, no carpet and there's cockroaches! Location is lousy too. It is situated at Ampang, far away from KLCC. So I missed my chance to shop at KLCC. Breakfast buffet is LOUSY too.

The next day we were on 5 hours trip to a place called Lumut, where Petronas oil platform is fabricated. We were to meet the Petronas engineers to clear some technical issues before we can proceed further. My collegue slept all the way through, snoring all the way as well. Good on him. I hardly slept. The driver, who dwells in KL, was pretty lost at the beginning of the journey. He just couldn't find the right way to the highway and we kept U-turning. The torque while U-turning kept waking me up.

The meeting went on pretty well. We managed to settle most of the issues. And we left for KL to catch the last flight back to Singapore. The car journey back was "fast and furious". 130kph to 140kph on Malaysian highway. I am used to speeding. My cousin did that in Japan, my friends did that in Australia. But the project engineer was pretty freaked out it seems.

Last flight back to Singapore was delayed. The flight arrived in Singapore around midnight and I get to reach home around 1am. Shagged out! Thank god I don't have to reach office at 8am the next day with my manager's permission!

I hope the next overseas trip will be better! ... and further than KL!

sq3169

CNY Shopping @ Ikea

We went to Ikea @ Tampines for new furniture. Most of the furniture at home have been around for the last twenty years and the dinning table will collapse sooner or later. Dad and mum went along too. Mum has actually went to Ikea the day before as well but we didn't get the table as it is a cash and carry bulky item.

It has been long sicne we last shopped together. We used to do it in the old days at Kovan Emporium especially before chinese new year. But dad is no longer as strong as he was> he barely walks nowadays. The pain at his waist is unbearable. When we were at Ikea, he had to stop at points to rest.

I wanna hold his hand someday and walk with him. I wonder if we will be shopping at Chinatown this year. Last year, I gave it a miss. Hopefully, this year we can have a really great chinese new year and leave good memories for all.

Love
sq3169
29 Jan 07