Contented

I am contented with the way I am living now. I enjoy living alone. And this feeling makes me feel so "at home" that I am getting detached to home in Singapore. I don't make phone call home, just a quick chat on Google talk, once a fortnight sort of frequency.

It is strange. Last year, I felt such a dread to stay in Australia. Yet, this year, I don't really feel like going back to Singapore. Being so independent now. The way I like.

Or .. it could just be a mirage, since it is my final year of stay...

God knows. Whatever it is, I just need to keep this contented feeling going.

Cheers
sq3169

Squash-ed

I was playing badminton and squash with friends on wednesday. Kinda like squash. A game that needs you to swing your arms really hard and run around without much rules (As long as the squash ball hits the wall).

I lead a healthy lifestyle in Australia which is good. And I do like the way I live now, except the part without an interesting housemate and the food. Craving for mutton bryani...yummy.

Another pot luck tomorrow. Consecutive pot lucks for the last few weekends, and I am still expecting more to come.

cheers
sq3169

Close to Drunk

Close to drunken state. It is just another beginning of the year pot luck at a new place. Yet, I felt as thought I am drunk. Felt like being drunk, to forget about everything.

A week later, everything just come back to me. The time I told him I felt for him, the time he told me he ain't giving me any false hope. I guess I have put in alot, then I can't pull myself out immediately. At the balcony, staring at the night sky, I think of him. What have happened to both of us? The drift gets further and further. I don't feel like losing him. Feeling silly than ever... We are not togeher ever before, yet, I just don;t feel like losing him, out of my sight, out of my mind.

Thinking back, I wonder if he ever feel for me. I still remember him asking me out for dinner, in his gentle voice...insisted sending me to the GP when I was ill... What was on his mind?

I have given alot blindly.

Sad case for me... But still I cherish him, still like him the way he is.

Don't wannna get oo drunk..

sq3169

4th March 2006

It was really an unusual night.

I met Raymond Tan before I left home for Airport. He gave me a surprise SMS, asking to meet me at MacDonald. We last met 2 years ago. But he is still the same as before. It is good to see him again, afterall, we have known each other for 10 odd years. And yet, we hardly meet..

Cheers
sq3169

你知道我喜歡你嗎？

4th March 2006. What an unusual night! I made my first confession on the night I departed Singapore to continue my studies in Brisbane.

He sent me to Changi Airport from home. Along the exit of TPE to PIE, Changi Airport direction, the conversations went ...

PF: Can I ask you a question?
HE: What?
PF: Are you seeing someone?
HE: Not really seeing, hanging close and I am interested in Ah Lian. Don't spread this around..
PF: I won't. Not really my business... But I have something to tell you..你知道我喜歡你嗎？
HE: Actually.. I can feel it..
PF: Which is why you are avoiding me?
HE: .. not really avoiding.. But I don't want to give you false hope.. there are alot of issues lately.. like work and ...
PF:.. I know.. and I am leaving too. I don't expect anything.. Just want to tell you how I feel so that I won't regret someday..
HE: yah.. I know.. which is good.. don't regret...
PF: But we can always be friends isn't it?
HE: Yah..
PF: So don't block me on MSN.. cos I won't block you...
HE: Have you ever seen me blocking people on MSN?
PF: How would I know.. I don't peep on your MSN contact list..

Then he made a wrong turn at Terminal 2. Instead of dropping me at the departure hall entrance before parking. He headed to the carpark. Conversation ended like this.

Am I disappointed and hurt? Some disappointment is inevitable. I felt relieved. We sat together with other collegues who were there to send me off at Starbucks. He avoided looking at me. Still, before I stepped into the departure gate, we had a goodbye hug and I told him to be happy.

...

你知道我喜歡你嗎？
sq3169