Disruption

I am pissed off.

There was one who reprimanded me for making my comments to a third party. Apparently, this third party shares the same thought on someone. I apologised though I don't exactly think it was my fault. I just want to salvage the relationship. But still it went sour. We didn't talk since till someday I decided to make my first move to talk to him again. He showed hostility, telling me he has nothing to talk with me and asked me to focus on my studies. Very well then.

Then days ago, he winked the kiss and appeared offline. Annoyed. I believe he got the wrong person. This evening, he messaged me on Live Messenger to be online later the night and went offline.

What the ...

I didn't go online till late night. I have my life in Australia and someone expected me to be online just for "Be online tonight" unclear message (which I doubt it was meant for me again). Forgive me already? Well, I don't give a damn anymore. And... "please stay away from me 'cos I am equally disappointed with you as much as what you do with me".

sq3169

Waiting for First Light

Here I am, 5.49 am in the morning.

I am waiting for myself to get tired and sleep comfortably. I have been thinking. Why am I forcing myself to sleep when I can't? I detest tossing myself, hypnotising myself to sleep (which doesn't help at all). Maybe I should just engage myself with something till the signs come.

... waiting for the first daylight.

After months, I still have to leave the light in the bathroom on to sleep. I can't sleep in pitch black. Too scary. And hearing those house break-in cases, I woke up from sleep whenever I hear noises. Is that some thieves breaking into my home, carrying the TV out? ... And I locked my bedroom door whenever I am in my room.

Oh yes...I am feeling insecured, bored, and paranoid too. Perhaps on top of the emptiness, all these cause the inability to sleep.

6.16 am.

Finally daylight came. It is freezing cold. I can't hardly feel my nose and fingers. Still not sleepy yet. I guess Memoir of the Geisha should make me sleep 'cos I have nothing more to crap on...

Good Morning Brisbane! I am tucking myself in bed.

Cheers
sq3169

Sleeping Disorder

It came back severely...

I thought I lost it. Yet, it found me again. I just can't sleep. And even if I do fall asleep, the quality is bad. I just kept dreaming almost throughout the night.

It is tormenting me! I hate to toss on beds for hours and wake up with that terrible neck and shoulder aches (I am all tensed up even when I am asleep or the bed is bad for me)

I need a good quality sleep!

cheers
sq3169

Tears and Rain

I am lost. Somehow, lost my sense of direction. I don't know what I am seeking for, what I am working for.

What do I know?

Tears and Rain by James Blunt

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

sq3169